waiting in vain

who ever wants the exciting game of waiting?

run

i want to run away. far, far away.

marriage

marriage is about partnership. i do this because i love my husband. if he's happy, then i am happier. his sorrow is my sorrow.

December

Oh my God! December already? I have not even started my list. Cram time!

happiness

November has been a roller coaster ride.

this one was a very happy day with my sister and her kids and mama bem

kuyukot

ang kuyukot at pata ni Rina. ang sarap kagatin!

nobody said life would be easy

i have accepted the fact that i never had a happy childhood. it is sad that i really can't remember one happy childhood memory. not one. how sad, right? i know. what i remember are the fighting, the moving, the chaos, the rejection, the sadness.

maybe that is why this is how i am. i know i am not a very like-able person. i have very few friends because i am hard to get along with. i consciously select the people i will like. to others, i am a very aloof person. maybe i am. because i am constantly avoiding rejection. it has always been, if you don't like, the more that i don't like you.

i never want my kids to be like me, to be very honest. if we have passed on our traits to them, i am really praying, they got their dad's.

if there's one constant prayer i have to Mama Mary it is that she heals me.

don't get me wrong. i am happy. i am happy cos i have my kids and ren. but i bet it would be better if i am healed.

if there's one thing i am learning, it is i should not be stuck in the past. past is irreversible. i can't do anything about it anymore, but to learn.

that is exactly what i am doing.

i feel like tomorrow is the new year of my life.

i want to make things right.

i want to clean my closet, my kitchen, my pantry, the kids toys.

i want to get things organized.

i want to start living.

she could have been our 4th child. Martin is our eldest, then a 2 month old angel, then Rina, then again, the little 2 1/2 old angel.

it's time to start living.